


Dinner

by lavender_dear



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Cringey Dinner Party, Jealous John, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 04:44:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9107092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavender_dear/pseuds/lavender_dear
Summary: What if they couldn't break in that night? What if that meant they did get to have that dinner party? I can only imagine that it would be the worst dinner party to be experienced.





	1. Chapter 1

        There were so many options. It seemed absolutely ridiculous. Wasn’t the whole point of a proposal the act. The ring is purely an archaic form of bartering and valuing.

        “Can I help you, sir?,” the jewelry clerk must have noticed his hovering despite saying he was fine when he first walked in. She was stressed, most likely because it was a slow day, low sales; she has a cat, no make that had a cat; is smoker, but attempting to stop.

        “I must admit that I am quite out of my element. I have no idea about any of this.”

        “Well, who are we looking for? Tell me a bit about your partner?,” she smiled; friendly, not over eager, understanding, open, but curious.

        “My girlfriend, she works in media. She’s straightforward, but she still has a very loud personality. She is strong-willed, deals with a lot of jerks in her line of work.”

        “But now she has you,” the clerk smiled.

        “Quite right,” partially true, he reasoned. If Sherlock was successful, Janine would be able to leave her job.

        “I think I have just the thing.”

        She came back with a tradition ring, but quite flashy. It would work, but then again anything would work for this.

        “It’s perfect. I’ll take it.”

        As he as signing the receipt, his phone began to ring.

        “Oh is that the lucky girl now?”

        He pulled out his phone and sighed, “Unfortunately not,” he took the ring from the counter and left the store as he answered the phone, “Hello, brother mine.”

        “You are aware that you can’t propose to a partner if the relationship is fake.”

        “Yes.”

        “Good. And you are aware that you can’t propose to a person who is currently married.”

        After a pause, “Yes.”

        “Then why, I must ask, do you find yourself the proud new owner of an overly-priced engagement ring.”

        “Perhaps, I just fancied it.”

        “Sherlock.”

        “Equipment for my investigation.”

        “Sherlock . . .”

        “You should never underestimate the benefits of dramatic surprises.”

        “I cannot stop you-”

        “Oh good I was hoping you would come to that realization.”

        “-but perhaps it would interest you to know that Magnuson’s meeting with the marketing group has been pushed back to Monday.”

        That was interesting indeed. If the meeting was pushed back, then Magnuson would still be in his office tonight. Not great at all for burglarizing. They could just push the plans for later as well, but-

        “Sherlock?”

        “Oh, what is it now, Mycroft, isn’t it enough to know that you were more aware than me.”

        “I just have one request.”

        “Alright out with it.”

        “Please endeavor to take reasonable precaution for your own safety.”

        Sherlock simply groaned as he hung up the phone.


	2. Chapter 2

_Something’s come up. Can’t investigate tonight. Raincheck. -SH_

        Though the phone sat locked on the coffee table, he could still in a sense read the message. He had opened the message five times and started to reply three times before he decided against it opting for his current occupation of reading the closest book in proximity. Yet his eyes couldn’t stay on the page and his mind couldn’t help, but jump.

        And an entity needn’t be eternal- _What could have possibly come up_ -to be self-caused. It- _Haven’t seen each other in a month and he is already pushing me away again_ -could also trace out- _a month and he has a girlfriend_ -a circular- _Janine_ -path in- _Fucking Janine_ -time, looping around- _How on earth did they get along. She’s attractive sure, but he’s not like that_ -on itself so- _If he’s been quiet for a month because of Janine and their relationship, he could have just told me_ -that it has no beginning- _a month, one month and an empty flat was all it took for him to find someone_ -and no end.

        He heard the front door shut and slammed the book closed as if it contained the incriminating evidence that he had spent ten minutes reading without reading a single page.

        “Hey, dear,” Mary kissed the crown of his head before passing to place some bags on the table.

        “Where have you been?,” he could have sworn he didn’t intend to sound accusatory.

        “What? After I took everyone home, I ran a few errands and then I had a lunch date with Janine. I told you bout it about it yesterday.”

        “Janine, right. Sorry,” everyone it seemed was dating Janine.

        “Are you okay?,” Mary poked her head out from the dining room.

        “Yes I’m fine.”

        “Alright, try and say it a bit more convincing next time alright,” she went back to the other room, “I’m going to put the kettle on, do you want some?”

        “Yeah, sure.”

        “Did you know that she’s seeing Sherlock?”

        “Yeah I found out this morning. She was there in Sherlock’s room-uhh-in a shirt- uhhh- just a shirt,” he felt himself being to babble.

        “Good for Janine,” Mary settled on the couch beside him.

        “Good?”

        “Well yeah, I mean Sherlock is handsome in an alien sort of way.”

        “Alien sort of way?”

        “Don’t be like that, you know what I mean,” she lightly slapped his hand, “Oh, She wants to do dinner this Friday at hers.”

        “She mention it, while I was at the flat.”

        “Ahhh. I think it will be nice. Janine always knew how to throw a good dinner party.”

        “It’s just- Don’t you think they’re an odd match?”

        “No, I mean opposites attract, right?”

        “But, do you actually think they-they will be good for each other?”

        “Yeah, Do you think that Sherlock isn’t good enough for Janine?”

        “No, that’s not-”

        “So you think Janine isn’t good enough for Sherlock.”

        “No, I just-”

        The kettle whistled in the next room. Mary hopped up to fetch the tea. She handed a cup to him while he collected his thoughts.

        “It’s surprising to me that their together, is all. I mean the whole time I was living with him he showed no interest in anyone.”

        “Take it as a delightful surprise, our best friends have taken to each other. It makes visits and parties much easier trust me.”

        “Yeah, easy,” he took a sip of his tea.


	3. Chapter 3

        Easy.

        Breath in- Knock- Breath out and-

        “John, Mary Hello,” Sherlock stood in the doorway his jacket off, his sleeves rolled up, his collar unbuttoned; looking at home in _this_ place.

        “Hello,” Mary said for the both of them looking around the living room.

        “Janine’s in the kitchen. She’s banned me from the vicinity of all kitchens during meal prep,” Sherlock explained.

        “Smart girl,” Mary smiled.

        “In 221B too?,” John asked.

        “Primarily 221B,” he smiled.

        “Not just smart then, but a miracle worker, I take it,” Mary smiled between the two of them, “Right well, I’ll just pop in and join her.”

        John remembered the champagne bottle he held in his hand, “Oh this is for you.”

        Sherlock look inspected the label, “Ah, a step up from the Tesco stock.”

        “Well, couldn’t insult those public school taste buds of yours, could we?”

        “Mary bought it.”

        “Of course Mary bought it.”

        They broke out in light laughter at each other. The previous tension John had built up in his mind sat forgotten for the moment.

        “Balcony? Janine’s apartment has great views. If you squint you can just make out an apartment complex where you could just make out a sliver of Saint Paul’s from.”

        “Alright.”

        The balcony was bare save a small collection of stubbed cigarettes, “Are you smoking, again then?”

        Sherlock didn’t look away from the night sky, “Only tonight.”

        “Oh.”

        “I needed to focus. Magnuson is going to be slippery then I thought.”

        “Oh, right the case.”

        Sherlock looked over at him confused, “Did you really forget?”

        “No, no it’s not that. Thoughts were just- elsewhere, I guess,” John crushed one of the stubbed cigarettes with the tip of his shoe dragging the tobacco over the balcony edge, “Does she know about the drugs?”

        “She? Oh, she is aware that I work nights, but she does not know exact particulars. She is oddly and thoroughly protective, though.”

        “Oddly? Jesus Sherlock, she’s your girlfriend.”

        “Is that what girlfriends do?,” Sherlock smiled a bit just to himself, “I always thought that was in the boyfriend repertoire.”

        John stared at him, “Well, I never thought that Sherlock Holmes would include gender roles in his mind set.”

        “It’s not that-,” he paused trying to compose his next words with diligence,“It’s what y-”

        “There you two are,” Janine opened the balcony door not stepping outside.

        Sherlock sighed, “Here we are.”

        “Could you make yourself useful and set the table?”

        He sighed, “Of course,” as an afterthought kissed the crown of her head.

        “Oh and put some music on while you’re at it.”

        “Yes, _Dear_ ,” he called back already making his way through the living space, but John was cemented where he stood.

        “You know the typical thing to do is say hello,” Janine said.

        “What?”

        Janine laughed, “You are looking at me like I’ve grown horns.”

        John shook his head, “Sorry Janine. It’s just so strange to see him so domestic.”

        “Really John, Sherl’s just like any other man. You didn’t expect him to remain alone forever, did you?”

        John smiled as best he could and went into the dining room. Janine made her way distractingly through the apartment to the kitchen. John watched as Sherlock laid the four plates neatly down, “I know you aren’t used to the whole dinner party thing, but typically the aim is for all the plateware and silverware to match.”

        Sherlock looked down at the plates of different shapes and colour, “Take it up with Janine. This is what was in the cabinets.”

        “So you didn’t break them in testing the heat resistance of the standard ceramic?”

        Sherlock tucked a fork neatly into a napkin, “banned remember.”

        Mary walked into the room carrying a salad bowl, “Is he teasing you?"

        “Not to any extent that I couldn’t take, Mary.”

        Janine came in carrying a casserole dish of lasagna, “Music, Sherl.”

        He nodded to her and moved to the speakers. Janine noticed the champagne bottle on the table.

        “Aw John, Mary, you know you didn’t have to bring anything,” she noticed the top on the bottle, “Oh, it’ll need a corkscrew, though.”

        “I think I saw it in the kitchen earlier, I could look for it.”

        “Thanks, Mary.”

        “You know you shouldn’t listen to her. Saying you don’t want gifts is purely a nicety,” Sherlock said to John looking back through playlist, “I, of course, would take anything offered.”

        “ _Sherlock_ ,” Janine turned giving Sherlock a little slap on his arm.

        “Think nothing of it, Janine, I couldn’t have lived years with him without knowing how he is,” John noticed the music Sherlock had selected, “But jazz, really?”

        Janine ran her hand down his arm, “Our musical compromise, if he disallows me from playing music after the 70s, he’s not allowed to listen to or play anything before the 30s. We are making do with the four decades at our disposal. Though I do have to question Julie London?”

        “It’s not the time period specific, it’s your music taste. And yes I like her.”

        “Well the matter stands no S Club 7 for me, no Debussy for you,” she looked sadly at the speakers, “It’s a bit melancholy, though.”

        They looked at each other, but Sherlock didn’t budge and didn’t say anything.

        “I think it sounds just fine,” John added.

        “Alright, alright,” she gave his arm a little squeeze, “I guess I best see if Mary’s having any luck with that corkscrew.”

        Sherlock smiled, “Given the amount of time she’s been looking I would say the best bet would be to look for something corkscrew adjacent.”

        John watched her go and let out a huff of laughter.

        “What?”

        He looked over at Sherlock incredulously, “Musical compromise?”

        “Janine, has informed me that compromise is critical to maintaining a relationship.”

        John stared unbelieving, “You’re just getting that now?”

        “I thought the whole point of relationship things was to accept them for who they are no matter what. Unconditional love and all that.”

        “Well I mean on the whole there should be acceptance, but when you are living with anyone there will be somethings that are just unacceptable.”

        “Like body parts in the fridge?,” Sherlock turned away from him, but he could see the coy smile on his face.

        “Especially body parts in the fridge,” John wondered how long it took Janine to put her foot down on it.

        “You tolerated it though.”

        John smiled, “Tolerate is not the word for it. I should be giving knighthood for some of things you put me through.”

        “You never moved out, though.”

        “True, not until you left.”

        “Ah, dying is a dealbreaker,” Sherlock’s face fell.

        “Most people would classify death as the ultimately dealbreaker.”

        Christ how had they managed to end up here John thought. He looked to the champagne bottle thinking about how they could probably both go for it.

        “Isn’t there supposed to be some trick to opening a wine bottle by putting it in your shoe?,” John asked fiddling with the bottles label.

        “I could put Mycroft on that.”

        “Huh?”

        “On the knighthood.”

        “Even your brother couldn’t pulling getting me knighted just for putting up with a hazard zone for a kitchen.”

        “Oh don’t sell yourself short, John. There is also the violin playing in the middle of the night, the difficulty in maintaining a job and working cases, and the interference in relationships in order to maintain complete attention. I truly undersold my faults when first meeting you, but who could blame me I desperately wanted companionship. Plus he still owes me after saving Parliament.”

        John didn’t know what to say.

        Mary and Janine walked out of the kitchen giggling to themselves, “No luck on the corkscrew, however, I do have this large knife and was wondering- well, Mary suggested that you might could saber it.”

        Sherlock looked between the two of them, a schoolboy unsure whether or not he was being teased, “Well, I do know how, but it seems a bit over dramatic and nontraditional.”

        John smiled, “Which is exactly why you not so secretly want to do it.”

        Sherlock took the knife from Mary’s hands as Mary and Janine joined John at the table.

        “You know Napoleon said,” Janine caught a glare from Sherlock as he pick up the bottle from the table, “ _supposedly_ said, ‘Champagne, in victory one deserves it; in failure one needs it.”

        “Perhaps we can make a slight edit to the quotation for tonight,” Sherlock lined up the knife to the neck of the bottle, “Love, in victory one deserves it; in failure one needs it.”

        The top of the bottle went flying and the table clapped in delight. Sherlock bowed his head slightly to them all before going to pour the glasses.

        “You know, it would have been nice though to have Sir John Watson on the wedding invitation,” John said handing over his glass.

        “What’s this now?,” Mary looked between the two of them.

        “Oh Sherlock was just joking about getting me knighted.”

        “Was he really,” Janine looked a bit taken aback, “And where is my damehood.”

        Sherlock picked up her glass, “All in good time,” he kissed her cheek and whispered in her ear.

        The uncanniness of it all made John’s skin crawl, “I just still can’t believe this is a thing- that you two are a couple.”

        Sherlock simply sat at his place at the table gathering food on his plate.

        Janine looked between the both of them and smile at John, “You basically set us up together. You know maid of honour, best man, and all that.”

        “I knew it was going to happen. Told John after the ceremony about what a lovely couple you two made. John didn’t believe me for a second,” Mary smiled and pinched John in the arm, “I should have made a bet of it. Could have taken you for all your worth.

        The table fell into easy conversation after that. Talk about the honeymoon, talk of work, talk of the baby, Janine was excited to hear about it all. The three shared stories from the two years that Sherlock had been gone. John and Sherlock shared stories of past 221B days. John felt himself believing that Mary might have been right, maybe this would be easy or at least grow to be easy.

        "So Sherlock, what mystery and intrigue do you find yourself in now?,” Mary asked.

        “Oh um-,” Sherlock stumbled over his thoughts.

        Janine placed her hand over his, “He can’t actually talk about it.”

        Sherlock gave Mary a quick smile, “It’s still very much a investigation in flux and with high profile cases one must always keep one's cards close to the chest even with the closest of friends.”

        “Even, John?”

        “Trust me, Mary, I have tried every form of bribery and he hasn’t let the first thing slip,” Janine winked. John felt his grip on his fork tighten.

        “Okay, I’ll settle for an old case.”

        Sherlock laughed taking a sip of his wine, “Which one?”

        “Whatever case you were on during our honeymoon. Managed to distract John enough during our holiday, should be an interesting story.”

        John felt his stomach drop. Sherlock hadn’t mentioned anything about his work and John hadn’t asked. They found it fine just to carry on as they would if they were in each others presence. But it had been easier to tell Mary that they were talking about cases. Easier than admitting that part of him would rather simply be sitting in 221B then lounging across from his beautiful new wife on a sunny beach.

        “You know, John, he always makes it seem immensely more interesting, leaving out all the paperwork, failure, and the like. I helped a woman who had the unfortunate experience of a stalker following her on her bike to work.”

        “Ever the knight in shining armor,” Mary teased.

        “Hardly.”

        Janine sigh, “I’m sure she felt swept off her feet.”

        “Are you jealous?” John choked slightly on his drink at Sherlock's question. 

        Janine smiled, “Always.”

        “There was another one, oh what was it? John mentioned something to me about a Lord, I think.”

        John fell still. He hadn’t mention that. She was lying. Was she testing him? Lying to catch a lie.

        “A lord, a lord?,” Sherlock looked off into the distance, “Oh, do you mean Reggie?”

        “I honestly have no idea,” John didn’t dare look at him.

        “Reggie was hardly a lord. He was an old uni acquaintance of mine. Insufferably posh and I know that it a lot coming from me. But really that was pre-John days and the only interesting thing in that case was Vicky Barton his secretary.”

        “Alright go on, go on.”

        “You see Reggie was an absolute idiot. Born into money and money got him everywhere. Whereas Vicky was an absolute genius. She could have worked anywhere she wanted, well within reason. It was always so amusing at parties and gatherings there would be Reggie bumbling about and Vicky would be following behind him. Contradicting and correcting his every word even about his own family history. Vicky was also notorious for her long list of lovers. Caused a horrible amount of drama in Reggie’s office.”

        “So where do you come in?,” Janine asked.

        “Oh, well Reggie’s family’s home had this riddle poem that went along with this legend of secret treasure.”

        “Secret treasure?”

        "Yeah, it truly isn't all that interesting though. Vicky turned out to be working for Reggie because she wanted to find the money and ended up dying in a tomb because of a spurned lover; the ash remains of a burned love, a surprisingly lethal substance,” the table fell quiet and Sherlock to a large drink of his champagne, "You see now why John is the writer and not me." 

        “Well whatever your current case is, be sure to include John. He’s beginning to get stir crazy stuck in suburbia.”

        Sherlock weakly smiled, “Of course, always intend to. I’m lost without my blogger.”

        “I’ve given up all hopes of small village life,” Janine leaned into Sherlock nuzzling into his shoulder, “at least with while I’m with this boy wonder.”

        Mary smiled at them, “You two really do make a beautiful couple.”

        John took a deep drink of his champagne. This really wasn't going to be easy at all, “So how long till your lease ends?”

        “What?,” asked Janine.

        “Well you’ve clearly moved out of here haven’t you. I imagine you would have bought out your lease, no need to pay two rents. Unless, of course, it was cheaper to wait out. So what is it a month or so”

        “John,” Mary called.

        “Clearly?”

        “Yes fairly clear. The flat is clinically decluttered either you deep cleaned before we got here or you cleared out of here a long time ago. Judging by the amount of dust, leaning to the latter. We are eating from mismatch tableware apparently it's all you have left here. Then there’s the fact of the furniture. You have managed bump into coffee table, the dining table, and the couch. You’ve forgotten the layout of your own apartment, why because you’ve learned a new one. Could be that you’ve arranged the furniture, but there's the indentions.”

        “Indentions?,” Janine asked.

        “In the carpet,” Sherlock smiled.

        “If you had recently moved around your furniture you would see the indentations showing where they used to be. What you wouldn’t see is what you have, one set of deep indentions exactly where your furniture is currently bearing down.”

        “Good,” Sherlock sat smiling at John.

        John was now only looking at him, “So when did you two shack up? Was it right after the wedding or did you wait a week?”

        “John!,” Mary turned to him in disbelief, but he didn’t even noticed.

        “Well I do have a history of moving in with people I just meet.”

        “That’s amazing.”

        “Sorry?,” John turned to Janine.

        “You sound just like him,” she looked genuinely pleased turning to Sherlock, “Should I expect to pick up superhuman skills as well?”

        Sherlock didn’t reply only looked down at his plate.

        Janine looked over to Mary, "He has been attempting to train me on deductive skills." 

        “Well you know, John did it when we first meet.”

        "What?," questioned Sherlock.

        “Has John not told you the story of how we meet?” 

        "Oh, Sherl, you were gone for all that bit. It's a great story."

        John finished his glass, “Office romance.”

        Janine laughed, “Well that’s the sparse version.”

        John refilled his glass as Mary carried on, “I was the new nurse in the office and here was this doctor who when he first meet me gave me a thorough once over and offered to buy me lunch. I thought dear lord the nerve of this man, but it turned out he was simply noticing that I had a poor night’s sleep, spilled my coffee, missed my bus, baked my own bread, and in my rush had forgotten my lunch. Of course I didn't find out until our first proper date.”

        John went to take another drink of champagne, but Mary held the base of glass to the table giving him a sharp look. He gave up, but turned to Janine, “How exactly did you two get together?”

        “We met at your wedding,” her patience was clearly wearing thin.

        “Yeah I got that I mean how did _this_ happen?”

        “Well, you know the usual boy text girl multiple times about his nearly deadly experiment and she finds him in the lobby of her office looking like he hasn't slept in days and clearly in need of a warm meal,” Janine teased, "I took pity on the lovesick fool and agreed to go out to dinner without him needing to ask."

        “He pursued you?,” John couldn’t help the tone of his voice.

        “Oh yeah,” Janine placed her hand on Sherlock’s arm, “You were smitten weren’t you, Sherl.”

        “Married to his work. Doesn’t do relationship,” John knew he should stop, but he couldn’t, not now, “You know he played hard to get with a internationally known dominatrix?”

        “Does that make me special?,” Janine looked like she was having the time of her life.

        John felt like he was going to be sick, “I don’t know, maybe,” Sherlock answered picking up her hand and kissing it.

        John heard the laughter before realizing that it was coming from him.

        "What is it, John?," Sherlock asked

        "This is ridiculous. You are ridiculous. It's so obvious."

        The two sat staring down each.

        “What do you know John? Go on deduce me?”

        Dinner was ruined anyway, might as well put the nail in the coffin.

        “I know that you aren’t happy,” the room went silent as all eyes turned on John, “Can’t just sit here and pretend that we didn’t find you strung out of your mind earlier this week,” he turned on Janine, “Did you know about that by the way?”

        “It’s for a case-”

        “Jesus, I didn’t think you were that ignorant not to notice, but really you did know and you just let him do it anyway.”

        “What else do you see?,” Sherlock pulled him back to him.

        "This is all just a piece of theater."

        "And?," Sherlock's hands were twisted into fist on the table now.

        “You’re settling.”

        “John!,” Mary called out.

        “Is that what you think?,” Sherlock asked with a grim smile.

        “That’s what you think.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock uses music as an emotional outlet so he definately is the type to sadly listen to even sadder music.  
> I imagine they are listening to Julie London's London by Night (though Lonely Girl is also good).

**Author's Note:**

> It is going to be two short chapters of set up (to satisfy my need to logic it) and then into the world's most uncomfortable dinner party.


End file.
